Monday, January 10, 2005

Me, Irene, and a martini for luck. Pass me the dice!

Does it bother anyone that I am heterosexual and have more than a handful of gay and lesbian friends whom I love dearly and would defend? Guam is no stranger to homosexuals many of whom are quite successful and more importantly, are friends who love to shop, and although I will admit to this shallow sin, I will admit to nothing else that will expose me to unkind thoughts and sarcastic posts. There is nothing quite as thrilling as walking through a mall with a gay friend whose dramatic gestures and hyperbolic speech attract people, which of course, is the whole purpose for the exaggerated hip movement and the ever present, "whatever, girlfriend", retort. And did I mention the fabulous spending spree that is sure to follow?

In my tiny part of the world, there is an unspoken acceptance of gay people, most of whom have cute toy dogs and some even languish at home with an exotic animal. I mean really, why would you keep a black panther in your home for no other reason than to inspire jealousy among your gay friends? Or how about a boa constrictor named Mo which leads me to wonder where Mo sleeps...

If you think heterosexual relationships are complicated, they are, as I fondly recall a very upset male who couldn't understand why I wanted him to dress up as Little Bo Peep, complete with staff and stiletto heels... (it was Halloween after all!, but that's for another story), hang out with a gay couple and you will appreciate how "uncomplicated" your heterosexual relationship is and how pithy and immature your argument was the other night because wife found Playboy magazines buried beneath last year's summer wardrobe.

Which brings me to this, one can learn valuable lessons from one's lesbian/gay friends. It's all a matter of perspective and who better to dish it out? Gay and lesbian couples are masters at playing mind games and suspicion and jealousy are part of the accoutrements and let's face it-- they play it with style.

If I had the energy, I would create a Guys and Gals and Everything In-Between Monopoly-like board game for gays and lesbians , but instead of buying up Park Avenue, players have to survive a gay/lesbian relationship while still having a life and keeping your sanity. Yes, you can "divorce" your partner, but would have to pay a penalty to do so, which would be depressing for the person who only has a couple hundred left and has to endure his current love. Oh well, in the game of life, is it really any different?

My game would have yellow, pink, and blue punch out figures with accessories and the coolest gameboard complete with penis and vagina dice, martinis, margueritas, and gold silk underwear. Maria, another martini!


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